Every once in a while I feel awesome for doing something that really didn't take any effort on my part. Here are 5 things that make me feel like a boss when I really didn't do anything to merit the great feeling.
1) Pulling the "pull through" in a parking lot.
Finding a good parking spot is one thing. Finding an open parking spot with an adjacent open parking spot that you can "pull through" giving you the convenient exit that comes with the back in with the effort of just a normal parking job. Look around you at all the cars just parked regular. If an earthquake were to hit, all those clowns would be frantically trying to reverse into a three point turn. Not you boss. No reverse for you. Put your car in drive and escape the natural disaster with the ease and bossness of John Cusack in "2012" and for anyone who has endured the movie "2012" this bossness is both cheesy and corny.
2) Running a Yellow light
Even when I am not in a hurry, going through a yellow light makes me feel like I somehow won. Had I left the house just 3 seconds later, I'd still be back at that intersection but no, I made a good choice by leaving the house at the exact moment I needed to. This will make me able to proceed through more intersections without having to stop. Efficiency, BOW TO YOUR MASTER WHO IS CALLED, ME.
3) Catching memorabilia at a sporting event.
I've caught mini nerf balls, glow sticks, t-shirts and guitar picks at events. Each time, I felt awesome and superior to the noobs around me who were also trying their darndest to catch the garbage male cheerleaders were throwing into the crowd.
One time at a BYU basketball game, the old guy sitting one row in front of me caught a t-shirt. Problem was, I caught the same one. We tugged on it back and forth until his arthritis got the best of him. When I unrolled the thing, it was a XXL women's shade shirt. The thing would not have fit Honey BooBoo's mother. I didn't want it. The old man with the tingly left arm couldn't use it. I don't know if I even took it home.
The thrill of catching things that others are also trying to catch make you feel like a boss until you realize you now have to find a child or garbage can for whatever you caught.
4) Saying a pun
You are at a party. There is a lot of extra food at the end of the party. Someone says, "It's a shame that this food has to go to waste." to which you reply, "Well, at least the food isn't going to our "waist". Now, what you expect is
1) laughter
2) people spraying drinks out of their mouths
3) being hoisted on everyone's shoulders
You feel like a boss. You feel very "punny" right?
NO.
Wrong!
You should expect
1) dirty looks and head shakes
2) women covering their childrens' ears
3) "pun-ishment"
No one respects a guy who delivers a pun. Instead of making that pun about the food going to "waist" you should have said, "I eat food out of the dumpster all of the time. If you throw it away, I'll just dig through the trash outside and take it home" That would get you more -but not much more- respect than a pun.
The lesson here is: Don't be bustin out puns. Even if it makes you feel like a boss, it shouldn't.
5) A long pee
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When I urinate for a long time, I feel accomplished. I feel healthy. I feel like a boss. If it happens in a public restroom I'm tempted to yell to my stall-mates, "Are you guys hearing this!? I have been going FOREVER! I swear I'm not pouring out a carton of grape juice! Whoah! Guys, there has been continuous flow the entire time I've been talking to you AND I'm STILL going!"
There is no denying the great feeling that comes with a long pee. In reality, I didn't do anything to merit this feeling besides drinking a lot of liquid.
So there you have it. Five things that make me feel like a boss.
1) Pulling the "pull through" in a parking lot.
Finding a good parking spot is one thing. Finding an open parking spot with an adjacent open parking spot that you can "pull through" giving you the convenient exit that comes with the back in with the effort of just a normal parking job. Look around you at all the cars just parked regular. If an earthquake were to hit, all those clowns would be frantically trying to reverse into a three point turn. Not you boss. No reverse for you. Put your car in drive and escape the natural disaster with the ease and bossness of John Cusack in "2012" and for anyone who has endured the movie "2012" this bossness is both cheesy and corny.
2) Running a Yellow light
Even when I am not in a hurry, going through a yellow light makes me feel like I somehow won. Had I left the house just 3 seconds later, I'd still be back at that intersection but no, I made a good choice by leaving the house at the exact moment I needed to. This will make me able to proceed through more intersections without having to stop. Efficiency, BOW TO YOUR MASTER WHO IS CALLED, ME.3) Catching memorabilia at a sporting event.
I've caught mini nerf balls, glow sticks, t-shirts and guitar picks at events. Each time, I felt awesome and superior to the noobs around me who were also trying their darndest to catch the garbage male cheerleaders were throwing into the crowd.
One time at a BYU basketball game, the old guy sitting one row in front of me caught a t-shirt. Problem was, I caught the same one. We tugged on it back and forth until his arthritis got the best of him. When I unrolled the thing, it was a XXL women's shade shirt. The thing would not have fit Honey BooBoo's mother. I didn't want it. The old man with the tingly left arm couldn't use it. I don't know if I even took it home.
The thrill of catching things that others are also trying to catch make you feel like a boss until you realize you now have to find a child or garbage can for whatever you caught.
4) Saying a pun
You are at a party. There is a lot of extra food at the end of the party. Someone says, "It's a shame that this food has to go to waste." to which you reply, "Well, at least the food isn't going to our "waist". Now, what you expect is
1) laughter
2) people spraying drinks out of their mouths
3) being hoisted on everyone's shoulders
You feel like a boss. You feel very "punny" right?
NO.
Wrong!
You should expect
1) dirty looks and head shakes
2) women covering their childrens' ears
3) "pun-ishment"
No one respects a guy who delivers a pun. Instead of making that pun about the food going to "waist" you should have said, "I eat food out of the dumpster all of the time. If you throw it away, I'll just dig through the trash outside and take it home" That would get you more -but not much more- respect than a pun.
The lesson here is: Don't be bustin out puns. Even if it makes you feel like a boss, it shouldn't.
5) A long pee
image loading...
When I urinate for a long time, I feel accomplished. I feel healthy. I feel like a boss. If it happens in a public restroom I'm tempted to yell to my stall-mates, "Are you guys hearing this!? I have been going FOREVER! I swear I'm not pouring out a carton of grape juice! Whoah! Guys, there has been continuous flow the entire time I've been talking to you AND I'm STILL going!"
There is no denying the great feeling that comes with a long pee. In reality, I didn't do anything to merit this feeling besides drinking a lot of liquid.
So there you have it. Five things that make me feel like a boss.
