your new show

Dear BYU peers,

Has your significant other ever broken up with you because your ex who turned out to be gay made a pass at their dad? Have you ever been sentenced to a prison sentence because you were framed by illegal aliens who really work for an elitist company that secretly dominates the U.S. government? Are you secretly a superhero after your drain regurgitated toxic waste on you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions or if you even thought "no, but that sounds like it could happen," you are definitely one of the few and proud "I watch and obsess over television dramas crowd''.

While other college kids are saying things like, "lets go to the game," or "let us go clubbing," or "let's get plastered," BYU students are saying things along the lines of, "did you catch glee last night," or "I have seasons 1 through 900 of Lost," or "my roommates and i ate ice-cream through all of season 1 of Heroes last night."

Is there a problem with this picture? The answer is YES! We need to get out folks!

I myself am a fan of a good show called "Modern Family." However, i, unlike most students at BYU realize that Phil and Claire Dumphey are actors. They are not real people.

My case for watching less TV seasons and getting out more is two fold...1st fold-we are losing touch with what is acceptable in reality and my 2nd fold is that i think we are missing opportunities.

1-Have you ever watched a show like "the OC" or "One-Tree Hill?" You may think it is normal to attempt to kill the man that stole your girlfriend, or you may think that suicide is a viable option after losing your boyfriend....THIS IS NOT THE CASE! You are under a haze of misconceptions that i like to call...."haze of misconceptions." You must run...the facts are TV relationships are not realistic...TV characters are not realistic...I mean how many people have you met that have killed 72 people in a 24 hour period?

2 fold-have you ever stayed home from hiking, boating, or bowling because you didn't want to stop watching "Gilmore Girls" season 2?...after all you have only watched it for 12 consecutive hours. Have you ever stood a date up because Michael Schofield was about to escape prison...AGAIN...in prison break!? If you answered yes to these questions or have committed similar transgressions....than your dumb!!! Live you life for you...Dont live vicariously through a fictional character on the tube.

I am calling for change (sounds like Obama)! Get out and do stuff...live in our reality, the real reality!

the newest cool thing

Oh Child! Your google+ account has sat dormant since the day you responded to that exclusive invite to join and you are somehow too classy to give twitter a chance. If you don't do a cool new thing soon, people will know you're lame. Don't worry. The fine gentlemen of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen gotcha covered from Raintree apartments down to SoPo* and you don't even need to join a new social networking site, just use facebook.

The newest feature on facebook is the ability to subscribe to people's accounts (sort of like following someone on twitter) and right now the absolute most coolest thing that can pop up on your newsfeed is: "(your name here) subscribed to Tom Anderson." Who the devil is Tom Anderson you ask? The myspace guy. With the white t-shirt and the weird angled picture...you remember now? People just think it is so wiggidy wack that Tom, the myspace guy, has a facebook page. What makes you think that Tom could live without one when you can't? But go ahead and try. However, like so many who have preceded you, you are bound to enter the stages of the facebook cycle.

Trigger stage: You receive back to back updates on your news feed inviting you to take care of some animal or "like" a random companies' page so your friend can win a free t-shirt. This is the animal farm straw that breaks the camel's back and you decide you are DONE WITH FACEBOOK. It's LAME!

Announcement Stage: using your status update, you announce to all of your "friends" on facebook that you are leaving them so they will need to figure out another way to contact you, either through email or phone call or waving.

False Liberation: you "delete" your facebook account which oddly still exists and can be accessed by you signing in the way you always have for the last few years...in spite of how easy it will be to reenter the facebook world, you know you will never come back.

Loneliness and Productivity: You get a lot more done at your computer but come weekends, you have no idea what is going on around town. Even worse, your birthday came and went and only your closest friends and relatives who actually care about you wished you a happy birthday :(

Last temptation: The last temptation consists of you legitimately needing facebook. Your friend tells you she wants to set you up with a friend of hers. You are hesitant to accept. You wish there was a way to have a small sample of your blind dates interests and opinions, a photographic history of significant events in the last 2-5 years of her life as well as a smaller, "best of" photo collection featuring her doing REALLY cool things or standing next to REALLY famous buildings/people and some pics of her looking EXTRA nice in a bridesmaid dress or a casual but carefully cropped group photo where she accidentally looks super hot.

Yes, if only you had a free tool that could provide you with such information so that you don't end up on a crappy blind date...

and that's when you log back in.

Why? Because you NEED it. How else would people you aren't sure you know hit you up for your address so they can mail you a wedding invitation? How would you ever be invited to a provo hipster house shows?** (e.g. Music night at the couch house) and Sans Facebook, how would anyone see the pictures of you building desks in Africa for school children this summer?

Answer: they wouldn't.

Moral of the story:I need facebook, you need facebook, even Tom Anderson needs facebook.

*SoPo is what all the cool kids call "South Provo". So if you decide not to follow Tom, you can still do a new cool thing by dropping this in a sentence. (e.g. Whatsherface:Hey Tomkins, where are you living this semester? Tomkins: In a house in SoPo. Whatsherface: That's hot.

**answer: pintrest, tumblr, and a new one social media site that you haven't heard of before because you are a noob

"let the great experiment begin!" -Tobias Funke